August 2, 2008

From TheKCGuy

We received some unsettling news the other day. It seems that Tony of Tony's Kansas City fame has worn out his mousepad. Ordinarily, this type of event would have gone without comment from me, but the picture of his old mousepad caught me eye. It is gut-wrenchingly disgusting. I am actually nauseated by the thought of his wrist resting on that brown, cracking pad. To mark this event, I'll see if I can describe the situation as I believe Tony would if it had happened to someone else.

TheKCGuy Exclusive: TONY PREFERS WHITE MOUSEPADS!!!

Thanks to my army of TheKCGuy hipster tipsters, I have exclusive evidence that Tony prefers his mousepads white.

Brown mousepads do not pass the racist dresscode at Tony's mom's basement and he has rejected his former mousepead in favor of new, non-brown one!@!!

TheKCGuy knows that only d-bags and scumbags perfer their mousepads to be pristine, and real Interweb users know the power of the brown mousepad. Mayor Funky himself prefers really tall mousepads with big feet! Only white, hipster, bicycling, light-rail loving Royals fans prefer clean, white mousepads.

This story wouldn't be complete without a sample of a sexy, non-brown mouse, suitable for Tony's non-brown mousepad.

Cheers to you and your new mousepad, Tony! Keep an eye on your mail for the jug of hand sanitizer I've sent you!

Today in Kansas City

• White Sox vs. Royals at Kauffman Stadium. 6:10 PM
• Kids Fishing Rodeo